IX - "Raw"

It's late at night and I can't sleep

So I lay here and I stare

I was never good at falling asleep on my own

Caffeine keeps me up all day 

But the booze isn't enough to take me down

The sex I can substitute

My fingers have learned to weave the blood straight from my heart

Like a backwards survival 

A mental itch beneath the fingernails of my fantasy

But the feeling that I can't re-create is 

My face pressed against your chest

The waves of your breath 

My fingers twisted in your coils

The smell of sheets spoiled 

I've sat with my shock

and shook hands with my sadness

I've white knuckled the truth 

and stood toe-to-toe with my rage

You left me raw like blistered skin

The audacity of your sins

But the feeling that I can't re-create is 

My face pressed against your chest

The waves of your breath 

My fingers twisted in your coils

The smell of sheets spoiled 

Wounds heal slow

We cover them so they won't show

We pick the scabs because we don't like they way they feel

We keep it raw, open, bleeding 

For longer than we should 

VIII - "Fade Out"

Everything fades to nothing 

I'm praying to something 

The blinding light before me

Is it getting closer or is it slipping away 

And I know it's the very last time

I'll ever, ever get to feel this way 

They tell me I should look away

Say it's better that way

"Ten" barely rolls off my tongue 

Here comes the dark numb space

We're just around the bend

Straddling the curve of what could've been

Barely out of the woods 

Tiptoeing on the stick of tiny bones

Coming In and out the fire 

Melting like salvation on a wire    

The tempo in the room, two hundred and two beats per minute

And it spins

And I'd rather they put me back to sleep again

That mythical place where you still exist 

But the tempo of my soul cries closer to seventy-four

And it's A major,

A major blow in the depth of my soul 

Like a bomb exploded 

And hallowed me out 

And physically your gone 

But it's my mind you'll never get out 

We're just around the bend

Straddling the curve of what could've been

Barely out of the woods 

Tiptoeing on the stick of tiny bones

Coming In and out the fire 

Melting like salvation on a wire  

VII - "Contraindicated"

You're an elective medication

Something I want but something I don't need

Giving it up now, would damn near kill me

My tolerance is too high 

Need it just to survive

A little bit of your poison slips under my tongue

One dose won't hold me very long

I'm going to need you to refill, all night long

They never tell you it's going to be like this

It's just one time to take the edge off on a day when it's all coming apart

The second dose is just to get you over the first

And it goes on and on, until you're toast 

Titrate me higher

Don’t' leave me to jones

Did you mean to addict me?

How much more can I take?

Is there an antidote to bind, my lips from your hips?

How much will it cost me?

Will we barter and trade, ounce for ounce?

Will you take me for all I'm worth, until I'm completely spent? 

Will you leave me any dignity left?

How deep is the absorption, as deep as my soul?

I didn't ask for your treatment

But it slipped under my tongue 

And now it's down in my system

Where it shouldn't have gone

But I've got to finish this course

Can you bring me a water?

To help swallow this reality down

Can we dilute it a little?

Can I ever taper down?

Now I'm down on my knees

And I'm drowning in sweat

Is it yours or is it mine?

Am I'm having a delusion?

It's getting difficult to breath

My chemicals flee into charcoal-like pores 

A little bit of your poison slips back under my tongue

I've had too much and still I haven't had enough

It was never indicated for me

VI - "Dirty"

Did you get to know the girl 

beating out her soles

looking for someone who might hold

the pride the stranger stole

would you take her as your own

no expectations, no scorn

just an object to adorn

pouring your warmth to the inside

before it's cooled by the evil that surrounds it

you two could be a pair

soul mates on a ship of despair

heavy hearts and broken beds

her numb shell of a body surrounds you

and you know she'll disembowel you

exposing all you've been fed 

the days grow long when panic is high

same ole routine gets you by

hands that shake and eyes disguised

outward symptoms of a latent lie

full to the brim like the tonic in your glass

you can't describe the mood

when you can't speak back

hot and endless like a Nevada flat

you can't say a word to a man like that 

words on a paper

I've written a few

scars on my body

broken and abused

look on my face

knows your dirty too

V - "Muse"

A pendulum swings
Timed rhythmic motion
Want verses reason
Another change of season

Your hands hold firmly
Your instrument now elevating
Echoing something like but not of love
Sounds you've heard before
comfort you, like muffled hums from the womb
Not as innocent 
But just as sweet

Pushing through to see the light
Almost there, final plight 
passion engulfs you in a fiery explosion
You'll starve the air and heal the wound
But the scars become you 

Accusations follow
Truth, exceedingly hard to swallow
You claim not to remember
But every ounce of muscle begs to forget
When you're lying alone
Running through the motions in your mind

Was it worth it? Yea, maybe.
But are you half the man
Or the better man
Or just a man
A man with a muse
A man so consumed 

Closing the door 
Covering your tracks
Pink fades to white
Emptiness filters back

All alone you strum your chord
Vibrations move
From your right thigh to somewhere
intrinsically deep inside
Hitting every note 
back in the rhythm
You’re a damn slave to that feeling